Great essay Jared, I related to many parts of it (perhaps my many parts related to many parts of it). I'm very quiet when I am around new people and it's something I've learned about myself and I'm not sure when, just accepted that that period of time has to exist. I've never really thought about my multiple selves though, your essay is inspiring me to do a deep dive and see what I find!
There were a lot of great insights here, this one stood out, "I motivate myself predominantly from fear, threat, or a belief that I am not enough rather than from love." Oof, so true!
"I repress this part because I wish others didn’t have to see him. I belittle this part because I feel disgusted by and embarrassed that others now know he exists."
Oh wow, I appreciate the vulnerability you brought into this, Jared. It's beautiful 😌
Really enjoyed this piece Jared. I recognize a lot of myself, from my experience with IFS and my own parts to learning to try on the stories my parts are sharing with me. You captured a lot of this experience really beautifully.
My favorite lesson and one I'll be thinking a lot about: "To love our personas and parts is to forgive ourselves for what was and trust ourselves to repair and evolve in ways that frees us to take risks for what we most desire to create and share–hope risks disappointment, confidence risks exposure, love risks heartbreak." Hard to say, even harder to do, but so worth it.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Jared. I, too have a “Quiet One” that I have trouble accepting and loving. I appreciated the way you made some suggestions about how to work with this “one”, “understanding where (s)he comes from, what (s)he cares most about, and how (s)he benefits me”. Love this! I think I’ll try this exercise….
I cannot even begin to tell you how much I related to this, Jared! Coincidentally (or serendipitously?!), just last month, I came across this book called No Bad Parts by Richard C Schwartz. I am only half way through it but can understand some points clearly now, thanks to this essay!
I was aware of the concept of self-love as an antidote to shame. But, this line was just like an aha moment for me. "Before we can love ourselves, we have to accept ourselves, and before we can accept ourselves, we have to see ourselves."
Thanks for writing this! I cannot wait to read more from you in coming weeks! :)
Thanks for taking the time to read and share how this piece impacted you, Ved! It means a lot to me to know that it connected with you and is supporting you in digesting the ideas you have been reading about in “no bad parts”
This is such a thoughtful essay, Jared. I feel we have a tendency to wish to 'optimise' certain parts of ourselves, one at a time, but adopting this mindset may allow you dial up the volume of traits that may have otherwise felt competitive (e.g. competitiveness and kindness).
Thank you, Jared for your inspiring writing! Especially this insightful message about "Self-envelopment vs. Self-development."
"Self-envelopment is learning to lead with all of yourselves, so you can lead others to learn about all of themselves."
Beautiful. Your writing is simple and transformational. Transcendent! Thank you, my friend.
Betsy!! Thank you for your continuous, inspiring support :)
Great essay Jared, I related to many parts of it (perhaps my many parts related to many parts of it). I'm very quiet when I am around new people and it's something I've learned about myself and I'm not sure when, just accepted that that period of time has to exist. I've never really thought about my multiple selves though, your essay is inspiring me to do a deep dive and see what I find!
There were a lot of great insights here, this one stood out, "I motivate myself predominantly from fear, threat, or a belief that I am not enough rather than from love." Oof, so true!
:) thanks, Michelle. I appreciate your encouragement and you sharing with me what stood out to you.
Great essay Jared. I really enjoyed it.
The “You Should Know Better” persona is in my head quite often along with the "Quite One".
"I repress this part because I wish others didn’t have to see him. I belittle this part because I feel disgusted by and embarrassed that others now know he exists."
Oh wow, I appreciate the vulnerability you brought into this, Jared. It's beautiful 😌
Really enjoyed this piece Jared. I recognize a lot of myself, from my experience with IFS and my own parts to learning to try on the stories my parts are sharing with me. You captured a lot of this experience really beautifully.
My favorite lesson and one I'll be thinking a lot about: "To love our personas and parts is to forgive ourselves for what was and trust ourselves to repair and evolve in ways that frees us to take risks for what we most desire to create and share–hope risks disappointment, confidence risks exposure, love risks heartbreak." Hard to say, even harder to do, but so worth it.
Thanks, Latham!! I appreciate you sharing how my article informed your own reflection and what your favorite lesson was.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Jared. I, too have a “Quiet One” that I have trouble accepting and loving. I appreciated the way you made some suggestions about how to work with this “one”, “understanding where (s)he comes from, what (s)he cares most about, and how (s)he benefits me”. Love this! I think I’ll try this exercise….
Thanks, Judy! I appreciate you reading and reflecting.
I cannot even begin to tell you how much I related to this, Jared! Coincidentally (or serendipitously?!), just last month, I came across this book called No Bad Parts by Richard C Schwartz. I am only half way through it but can understand some points clearly now, thanks to this essay!
I was aware of the concept of self-love as an antidote to shame. But, this line was just like an aha moment for me. "Before we can love ourselves, we have to accept ourselves, and before we can accept ourselves, we have to see ourselves."
Thanks for writing this! I cannot wait to read more from you in coming weeks! :)
Thanks for taking the time to read and share how this piece impacted you, Ved! It means a lot to me to know that it connected with you and is supporting you in digesting the ideas you have been reading about in “no bad parts”
This is such a thoughtful essay, Jared. I feel we have a tendency to wish to 'optimise' certain parts of ourselves, one at a time, but adopting this mindset may allow you dial up the volume of traits that may have otherwise felt competitive (e.g. competitiveness and kindness).
I look forward to reading future essays of yours!
Thanks, Nic! Your feedback really helped me to share more of myself in this article.